Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change - Jim Rohn
Life will repeat itself until
you learn whatever lesson you are being given. Recently, I was told the
messier a situation, the more we learn. I believe this is true as long as we
actually use the situation as an opportunity to grow and don't make the same
mistake twice - then it is not a mistake it is a choice.
I take pride
in being a very self-aware individual and I trust my intuition. I do things that feel right
even though they may not seem like the best decision. In those moments, I
know there is something I need to learn, discover or go through in order to
grow as a person.
However, I am also aware that I live life with an exit
strategy to everything and avoid commitment. I always leave the back door open or sometimes just a window in case I need to make a ninja escape in the middle of
All this does is prevent me from moving forward. Being the reflector that I am, I decided to find out why I do this.
I have recently watched an interview with Deepak Chopra where he talked about different kinds of hunger - actual food based hunger and emotional hunger . Emotional hunger is when you are eating but you are actually longing for joy, love, playfulness, security, safety, happiness and/or spiritual fulfillment.
I began to look for hunger in my own life and found that all the places I found hunger, I also found a very apparent exit strategy.
I was hungry for my house to be a home or from an emotional hunger point of view I am hungry for stability and security. I have lived in my house for
just over two years and last month was the first time I stopped actively
looking for somewhere to move.
I decided to allow my house to become my home after changing my perception on what making a home meant to me. Now, it means I have a sanctuary, a place of my own. It protects me from the elements and gives me somewhere to retreat. It is a place of celebration and love. Right now, it is the only place I want to be.
It no longer means that I've settled or that I can't go back to school or travel the world. All it means is that in this moment I am exactly where I'm meant to be and this perspective overwhelmed me with the sense of stability and security I've been looking for.
A hunger I still have is for unconditional love. I strongly believe that love is the foundation for everything we do in life. I'm hungry for the opportunity to be vulnerable and to unconditionally accept myself exactly as I am right now. I avoid working on this by always striving for more and not taking the time to sit still.
This year I took the resolution to be kind. What I've noticed is that I am not always kind to myself. I am constantly thinking I could have done more, like most people I am my own worst critic. The truth is I don't even remember the things I critiqued myself on earlier in the year so for the last month of the year I am going to close the doors and windows and commit to love myself unconditionally.
I have accomplished so much this year that I am proud of but the biggest accomplishment was just a couple days ago when I decided that I actually do deserve my own love without an exit strategy or criticism and when I can do this, I know I can do anything.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha